Teeth

my teeth are
sharp
i grind them against the
whetstone of subtlety
wit
and when i bite you
you
you bleed pride
and arrogance
and i savor the copper sweet taste of
your anger
in exchange
a balm for my anger:
revenge.

Goodbye, sweet little one.

Today, I had to put my cat to sleep.
He was diagnosed with kidney disease last year, and has been slowly deteriorating since then.
 My mother and I cared for him this last year, giving him subcutaneous fluids and medication, but in the last three days he became severely lethargic and lost his appetite. He couldn't walk, his back legs were very weak, and we were having to carry him to his litter box and spoon feed him.
Today, my mother and I decided it was time to take him and end his suffering, with the thought that any more time we kept him with us would be prolonging his pain only for our sake.
So we took him to the vet and they put him to sleep while we stood there petting and talking to him, letting him know how  much we love him and how much we'll miss him.

I can't stop crying. He was 19, and i have had him since i was 5. I loved him the best of all my animals, he was the best cat you could ask for. Sweet, loving, cuddly.
The house seems emptier without him, colder and lonelier.
My heart is breaking and breaking and breaking and i can't make it stop.

Music.

You cant fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know your alive.

Seethe

I sit quietly, trying to find my feet beneath me again.
But i can't. Try as i might, i cant find my footing.
I wander along the road and try to find the right path
but i just stumble against the branches and briar
and end up cut
scratched
torn.

I thought we were somthing
but it dissolved on my tongue
like spun sugar fragment

and like those sharp
sweet
remainders
they left a bitter after-taste
in my mouth
that i try to spit out
to no avail

I am lost once most in the dark
my lamp blown out
i had a road
but you washed it from beneath my feet

if i cant get this one thing right,
this one part of my life,
how can i ever get the rest to
fall
in
line?

writhe

at the end of a stick
dangling from a string
i dance
playing out my smiles for this world of make-believe
i am dying inside

Pasted on sparkles in my eyes
tell you lies of happiness
but i digress in my mind

pleading for the end of this misery
i wont allow myself to wallow
i move through this life
on the end of a string
dancing

playing all the parts i must play
just to make it through the day
i cry
dry, silent tears
that leave no trace


i laugh at my folly
this lack of anything
has made me nothing
and i scream out against the darkness that was once my refuge
pushing it away and trying
trying
trying

I am all and only what i can be
but
it seems that she is not enough
she listens and laughs and caresses and learns
but she never learns enough

so i dangle at the end of my string
and dance
bound by fear and regret and sorrow

and i try not to think about the reasons why
i try