georgia

when I set foot
on Georgia ground
did the echos in my heart
resound
and fill the empty cells
of yours
with memories of
the summer days
halcyon
and free?

when I set foot
on Georgia ground
did you hear the whispered sigh
of midnights spent in hush?
feel the flicker hum of
falling asleep by
screen light?
remember faintly
driving under
starlight?

did you perhaps
feel the earth
tremble
with remembered
shared moments,
almost sacrosanct?
promises made
in the naive hope
of youth?

promises broken
into shattered dreams
to be touched only
by fingertip
to bleed
onto
hallowed ground
blasphemous

did you feel me?
did that fragile red strand
still tug?

and now

I sit

crying

in an airport

in Georgia

pulling the gratifying weight of grief
around me
not a shroud
the - not quite
the - almost was
of us
of them,
(two young and foolish lovers)
trembling on my lips

our choices
made
apart
irrevocably
-but still-
regrettable
even if that regret means
pain
even if that regret
doesn't go all the way down
to the depths

doesn't shift
continents

but it's there
the knowledge
of the might have been,
immutable,
like the constellations

but

we both made choices
and now we're bound
by  vows made
to people found

by things we thought we wanted
and things we truly did
and
by the love we made in the process

so far from our own

you

gods and stars

here witness

this

the whole of my heart –

the hole in my heart  –

aches

I tell myself to

remember the bad things too.

the things that you said

 and the things that you did

that made me feel

s m a l l

but 

those moments when

I stood tucked

beneath your chin

or stood with your hand in mine

those times you didn't yank away

the rough, dry warmth of your palm

to my palm

soft and –

they still shine

those moments when we

g l o w e d

and I find 

it's hard to forget

it is

so hard to forget

shoveling snow

with our bare hands

watching you smile

and sing with the band

your surefooted stride

as you took the lead

I thought it was all

I could ever need

the crystal clear water

of ice melt

freezing against my skin

the shiver click lock

of songs sung in tandem…

you want a window?

you want a door?

tell me a memory.

make me believe

you believe.

from sadness

half 

truths 

secret 

messages 

 

but

it's not enough 

to bridge the 

gap 

to salve

the wounds 

is it not 

enough?

 it is.

it is not. 

 

fragile flower petal wishes 

falling from my fingers 

searching for the words to say 

my heart was not just broken 

it was shattered 

discarded 

crushed 

and now...

the broken promise of summer:

shards 

driving into my heels 

searing hot 

the leftover fragments

message bottle remnants

whispering 

 

regrets