you

gods and stars

here witness

this

the whole of my heart –

the hole in my heart  –

aches

I tell myself to

remember the bad things too.

the things that you said

 and the things that you did

that made me feel

s m a l l

but 

those moments when

I stood tucked

beneath your chin

or stood with your hand in mine

those times you didn't yank away

the rough, dry warmth of your palm

to my palm

soft and –

they still shine

those moments when we

g l o w e d

and I find 

it's hard to forget

it is

so hard to forget

shoveling snow

with our bare hands

watching you smile

and sing with the band

your surefooted stride

as you took the lead

I thought it was all

I could ever need

the crystal clear water

of ice melt

freezing against my skin

the shiver click lock

of songs sung in tandem…

you want a window?

you want a door?

tell me a memory.

make me believe

you believe.

from sadness

half 

truths 

secret 

messages 

 

but

it's not enough 

to bridge the 

gap 

to salve

the wounds 

is it not 

enough?

 it is.

it is not. 

 

fragile flower petal wishes 

falling from my fingers 

searching for the words to say 

my heart was not just broken 

it was shattered 

discarded 

crushed 

and now...

the broken promise of summer:

shards 

driving into my heels 

searing hot 

the leftover fragments

message bottle remnants

whispering 

 

regrets